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Intimate relationship is
Interpersonal relationship
A kind of emotional or physical closeness experienced by the subject
[1]
. In the modern personalized society, the emphasis on emotional frankness and communication, mutual understanding and deep understanding are the core of modern intimate relationships, but also reflect the contradictory needs of human freedom and security
[2-3]
. Broadly speaking, family, marriage,
Fall in love
Relationships such as sex and sex all fall under the category of intimate relationships
[4]
.
Intimate relationships are not just choices in the private sphere, but also contain a wide range of social factors, which also bring about intimate relationship inequality, discrimination against same-sex relationships, and intimate partner violence.
Equal and healthy intimate relationships are the path to happiness and relate to human well-being throughout life
[5]
. Comprehensive sexuality education focuses on safe sex, helps young people take decisions about intimacy seriously, and prepares them for relationships where sexual intercourse or other sexual activity may occur
[6]
.
The Law of the People's Republic of China on the Protection of Minors (revised in 2020) stipulates that schools and kindergartens should provide age-appropriate sex education to minors
[7]
.
- Chinese name
- Intimate relationship
- Foreign name
- Intimate Relationship
catalogue
- 1definition
- 2Historical evolution
- 3peculiarity
- ▪Understanding degree
- ▪Degree of concern
- ▪interdependency
- ▪Mutual consistency
- ▪trustworthiness
- ▪loyalty
- 4significance
- 5Influencing factor
- ▪Social and cultural influences
- ▪Gender influence
- ▪The influence of personal experience
- ▪The influence of personality traits
- ▪The impact of self-evaluation
- ▪The impact of human interaction
- 6Development process
- ▪Romantic stage
- ▪Period of power struggle
- ▪Stable (integration) period
- ▪Commitment period
- ▪Co-creation period
- 7Research on intimate relationship
- ▪The study of love
- ▪The study of friendship
- ▪The study of sexual behavior
- 8Inequality in intimate relationships
- ▪Discrimination in same-sex intimacy
- ▪Intimate partner violence
- 9China's relevant laws and regulations and policy documents
- ▪Civil Code (2020)
- ▪Anti-domestic Violence Act (2016)
- ▪Minors Protection Act (2020 Amendment)
- 10Chinese ministries and commissions related education documents
- ▪Guidelines for Public Safety Education in Primary and Secondary Schools
- ▪Guidelines for Health Education in Primary and Secondary Schools
- ▪Curriculum Standards for Physical Education and Health in Senior High Schools
- ▪Guidelines for Health Education in Colleges and Universities
- ▪National Guidelines for Family Education
- 11Relevant international documents
- ▪Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women
- ▪Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women
- ▪Beijing Declaration
- ▪Platform for Action of the Fourth Conference on Women
- 12Relevant teaching contents in comprehensive sex education
- ▪Learning objective
- ▪Faqs related to intimate relationships
- ▪How to carry out relevant education in comprehensive sex education
- 13Typical case
Intimate Relationship is a kind of interpersonal relationship, which is experienced by the subject and may be recognized by the society as Close/Closeness. This subjective experience of closeness can be emotional and cognitive closeness, including feelings of love, empathy, and a sense that each person is special to the other; Intimacy can also be physical and physical closeness, but sex is not directly linked to intimacy, and sexual contact can occur without intimacy
[1]
. Broadly speaking, relationships such as family, marriage, love, sex and friendship all fall under the category of intimate relationships
[8]
.
Marriage in pre-modern societies was generally based on family and economic considerations rather than romantic love or sexual attraction, which focused on emotional communication and intimacy
[9]
. In Western societies prior to the Industrial Revolution, marriage was a means of organizing agricultural labor, with husband and wife (parents) and children working together in or near the home to meet the needs of survival. With the rise and development of the Industrial Revolution, more and more people went out of the family to wage labor, labor in exchange for wages, and the time and place of labor were determined by the employer. As a result, the self-contained family production and labor units were gradually shaken
[10]
.
At the same time, modernization brought about by the Industrial Revolution changed the original social structure, and individualism was on the rise, and people were separated from blood relatives and family systems
[11]
. "Romantic Love", which links freedom and love, also emerged during this period. British sociologist Anthony Giddens believes that the intimate relationship established by romantic love is the prototype of modern intimate relationship, which attaches importance to personal choice and is based on emotional communication and intimacy
[2]
.
French sociologist Zygmunt Bauman believes that in the modern personalized society, people's intimate relationships are full of conflicting desires, and it is difficult to resolve the contradictory needs of freedom and security in intimate relationships. In intimate relationships, people are not only afraid of losing each other, but also afraid of losing themselves, losing freedom. "Want to tighten the bond, but also want to let it loose" is the modern face of intimate relationship ambivalence. This has led to a society full of "in-and-out partners" in "Top Pocket Relationships", which they use when they need it and keep in their pockets when they don't
[2-3]
. In Bowman's view, a stable relationship requires people to operate and maintain it at any cost, and that cost includes letting go of the ego. This is undoubtedly a difficult decision for modern people who have too much of themselves, which is why modern love is a fluid; Constantly starting, ending and starting again, difficult to stabilize into a solid state
[3]
.
Intimate relationships differ from other interpersonal relationships in at least six aspects: understanding degree, caring degree, interdependence, mutual consistency, trust degree and loyalty
[12]
:
Knowledge: Intimate partners often have extensive, private (or secret) knowledge of each other. They are very familiar with each other's experiences, emotions, likes and wishes, and this information is usually not shared with other people
[12]
.
Care: People feel more care, understanding, and appreciation in close relationships, and the higher the level of such feelings, the greater the level of intimacy
[12]
.
Interdependence: The lives of intimate partners are intertwined. The actions of one partner have an impact on the goals, attitudes, and behaviors of the other. This interdependence occurs persistently and frequently in different ways, with strong and significant effects on each other
[12]
.
Mutuality: Both parties integrate with each other in their lives, showing a high degree of consistency. Intimate partners refer to themselves as "we" instead of "me and TA."
[12]
.
Trust: People in close relationships expect each other to respect and treat them well, to meet their needs, and to believe that they can derive happiness from close relationships. If there is a loss of trust, it can lead to suspicion and suspicion, which can undermine openness and interdependence in intimate relationships
[12]
.
Commitment: People in an intimate relationship expect their intimacy to last for a long time, even forever. Expect yourself to be unique to the other person, so you will invest a lot of time, human and material resources to maintain a close relationship. Once loyalty is lost, once close partners will gradually drift apart
[12]
.
Although all six aspects of a relationship are not necessarily present in an intimate relationship, a satisfying relationship should contain all six characteristics. If there are only certain characteristics of an intimate relationship, such as a couple's high interdependence in life, all aspects of daily life are intertwined, but there is a lack of expression of love and emotional communication, then the closeness of the relationship will be greatly reduced
[12]
.
Humans are social and social animals, and there may be a universal drive to form intimate relationships with others
[12]
. Serena Chen, a professor of social psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, says that when people feel close to another person, they experience positive reactions in their body, mind and heart
[13]
.
According to German-American psychologist Erich Fromm, the most important human task is to overcome loneliness. The knowledge that man is rational, that he knows himself, that he is powerless before nature and society, that he is born neither against his will nor dies against his will, leads him into a deep loneliness. Loneliness causes intense anxiety, and the answer to overcoming loneliness lies in the establishment and maintenance of love and intimacy
[14]
.
The establishment of intimate relationships is pleasant, but the loss of intimate relationships can greatly affect humans on a physical and psychological level. When people are surrounded by loneliness for a long time, they are prone to strong stress reactions
[12]
. At the same time, the breakdown of close relationships can also cause a weakened immune system, affecting health. the Grant Study at Harvard University demonstrated the importance of intimate relationships over 76 years: "Good intimate relationships not only make us happier, they also make us healthier."
[15]
.
Since the 20th century, great social and economic changes have taken place worldwide, with the rise of individualism, the development of women's rights and sexual minorities movements, the popularization of contraception and the innovation of new reproductive technologies, all of which have had a great impact on people's concept of marriage, family and intimate relationships
[10]
.
German sociologist Muller-I.y.r believes that in the period of low social and economic development, personal emotions are irrelevant in the face of family interests. In the economically developed modern society, the free and independent individual choice is becoming more and more important, and the social culture is more and more tolerant of single, late marriage, divorce and non-marriage, etc., and emotion has become the dominant opportunity to establish modern intimate relationships
[16]
. In the United States, most people agree that "love for one's husband/wife is an important reason to get married"; 67% of college students would not choose to be with someone they do not love; 74 percent of college students would break up with a partner after discovering cheating
[12]
.
Since China's reform and opening up, there have been obvious changes in four aspects of intimate relationship: emotion, material, stability and openness/desire, and the importance of emotion in intimate relationship has been increasing. In the 21st century, while attaching importance to feelings, material needs in intimate relationships are also on the rise. At the same time, people's desire to open and show intimate relationships is also constantly strengthening, but the stability of intimate relationships is constantly weakening, showing a state of flow
[17]
.
In the area of marriage for same-sex couples, as the sexual minorities movement continues to grow, more and more people can agree that homosexuals should have equal rights to establish intimate relationships without discrimination based on sexual orientation. As of 2019, 26 countries and territories in the world have legally recognized same-sex partnerships
[18]
.
Traditional social gender concepts usually believe that men have "masculinity" such as independence, initiative and masculinity, while women have "femininity" such as dependence, submission and gentleness.
[12]
Expect men to be an active party in intimate relationships and assume the responsibility of going out to work and earn money to support the family in marriage and family; Women are expected to be passive recipients, taking on the responsibility of housework and child care in the marriage and family. Usually, women who have career pursuits always encounter the problem of how to balance family and career, while men do not have this worry, "the wife to help her husband's career is more important than the pursuit of their own career" is the norm of social gender roles, but also created gender inequality. In fact, working women are expected to do "the second shift" of housework or child care when they return home from work.
[19]
. Christine Delphy, a Marxist theorist, argues that women's work for the home is endless work, with no agreements, no limits on working hours, no specific work content, and no salary, which would be considered exploitation in any other job
[19]
.
At the present stage of society, the awakening of women's gender equality consciousness and the gap between men and women's gender equality concepts directly affect people's satisfaction with intimate relationships
[20]
. The more women hold the view of gender equality, the lower their satisfaction in marriage and intimate relationship. Previous studies have shown that Supportive Communication between partners is an important factor to maintain and improve the quality of intimate relationship. If wives are financially independent and pursue gender equality within the marriage, they may challenge such gender stereotypes and expect their husbands to take on the same responsibilities, and they are not afraid or shy away from conflict with their husbands, which may lead to more negative feelings from their husbands. The ideal state is that intimate partners have the understanding of gender equality, and are willing to put it into practice in life, and this requires men to have a more progressive social gender concept
[20]
.
Attachment style has an important impact on the overall interpersonal relationship. The development of an individual's interpersonal relationship is influenced by his or her interpersonal experience in early life. The attachment style that emerged in childhood will also show similar reactions in the face of intimate relationship. The American psychologist Bartholomew divides adult attachment types into four types
[12]
:
Secure
Being able to interact with others happily, easily developing easy and trusting interpersonal relationships with others, not worrying about being alone and not being accepted in intimate relationships, relying on others and being relied on by others are reassuring for people with secure attachment types
[12]
.
Preoccupied
In order to obtain the attention of others, seek approval, and rely excessively on the approval of others, they tend to invest all their feelings in intimate relationships, but they often find that the relationship with others is not as close as they expect, and they are uneasy and alert to any threat that damages the intimate relationship
[12]
.
Fearful
This is a kind of attachment relationship with the nature of avoidance, fear type of people because of the fear of being rejected and try to avoid the existence of intimate relationships with others, although I hope that someone like themselves, emotionally eager for intimate relationships, but more worried that they can not be separated from others, fear of being abandoned and hurt, with distrust, suspicion, shy psychology
[12]
.
Dismissing
It is also a kind of attachment with the nature of avoidance, believing that the existence of close relationships with others is not worth the loss, feeling independence and self-sufficiency is more important, does not like to depend on others, and does not care whether others like and depend on themselves
[12]
.
It is important to note that attachment styles are learned and constantly influenced by people's experiences as adults, so people are not just passively bound by childhood experiences, and attachment styles can change over time
[12]
.
More stable personality traits affect people's interpersonal behaviors and intimate relationships. Many personality psychologists believe that human beings generally have five core traits, known as the "Big Five personality traits." Moreover, the influence of personality on interpersonal relationship is much greater than the influence of interpersonal relationship on personality
[12]
.
Extraversion
Cheerful enthusiasm, outgoing gregarious, love to socialize, when they are surrounded by people, they can feel passion, low extroversion people will tend to shy introverted, cautious behavior
[12]
.
Agreeableness
Being compassionate and collaborative, tending to care and trust others, and being able to get satisfaction while helping others, people with low agreeableness tend to be irritable and cranky, unconcerned about others' feelings, and even hostile
[12]
.
Conscientiousness
Hard-working and reliable, with high conscientiousness and organization, and reliable to others, people with low conscientiousness tend to be careless and less reliable
[12]
.
Neuroticism
Neurotic people are prone to worry and anxiety, emotional instability, and feel a lot of stress. On the contrary, people with low neuroticism feel less sad and depressed and are emotionally stable
[12]
.
Openness to Experience
Artistic temperament, imaginative and creative, like to change and try new things, challenging norms and conventions. People with low openness tend to be more conformist and prefer stability
[12]
.
People's self-evaluation constitutes self-esteem, and the important factors that affect self-evaluation often come from people's subjective experience when they interact with others. If someone likes us, then we like ourselves, and if others accept us and value our relationships, then our self-esteem is high, and people with high self-esteem tend to be happier. On the contrary, a person with low self-esteem often has self-doubt, and it is difficult for them to believe that someone will love them, thus underestimating their partner's love and value for them, and damaging the intimate relationship. It can be said that interpersonal relationships affect our self-evaluation, and self-evaluation, that is, the level of self-esteem, directly affects the establishment and development of intimate relationships
[12]
.
Whether it is sociocultural aspects or individual experiences and personality traits, people's interpersonal relationships are affected by a variety of factors. When two people who are different in many ways begin to interact, the results of the interaction are often varied, it may be happy and satisfying, it may be sad and depressing, interpersonal relationship is not a stable existence, and this variable interaction result is an indispensable part of interpersonal relationship
[12]
.
According to American psychologist Susan Campbell, there are five stages in the development of intimate relationships: romance, power struggle, stability (integration), commitment, and co-creation. The early stages of an intimate relationship (romance and power struggle) are usually full of energy, passionate and fascinated by the relationship, and the later stages tend to calm down and become content. In the process, people feel closer and closer to each other and learn more about themselves and others. In self-disclosure, showing vulnerability, emotional communication and commitment, relationships become more stable and mature
[21]
.
The romantic period is the most exciting time in a relationship, full of uncertainty and possibility. At this time, the two partners do not know each other deeply, have many expectations and imaginations for each other, and have great enthusiasm and vitality for the relationship. But the relationship is based on the images that people project on each other, that is, people project their own ideas of the ideal partner onto each other. In other words, such a relationship is not a relationship between people based on living, real, concrete people with various qualities, but a relationship of materialization, the relationship between each other's images and images. So in the romantic period, people have an image in the relationship, although there is high excitement, but there is no closeness. Once other traits of the individual are shown, they are likely to be disappointed
[21]
.
Once the other person's nature, habits and behavior are more in front of their eyes, ideal and reality begin to collide. At this point, in order to make the partner conform to their expectations, they will start to want to change the other person, such as buying clothes for the other person, encouraging the other person's behavior to meet their imagination. If the other person insists on being the same, then their romantic expectations will be frustrated. When people see the limitations and characteristics of their partner, the romantic period fades, and they want to control the other person in order to achieve their own ideal image, so conflict arises. It is important to note that the power struggle itself is not the problem, but the problem is that one or both parties insist on staying in the position of moral evaluation, believing that they can take for granted the behavior of others. If both parties can let go of this attitude of natural dominance, then sincere sharing and intimacy can occur. If not, both partners may choose to give up and end the relationship in order to avoid more arguments and disagreements, as well as internal disappointment
[21]
.
Relationships are more resilient and stable after couples experience the ambiguity of romance and the conflict of power struggles. Couples entering a stable (integrated) phase will really start to wonder, want to get to know each other, ask and listen to each other, and replace resistance with acceptance. Through the four A modes of communication - Awareness, Acknowledgement, Acceptance and Action - couples learn to know each other, promote self-development and strengthen their relationships
[21]
.
For example, the four A's communication model might be used: "You are late, I understand that I want to blame you, I accept and admit that I will do so, but I would like to know why you are late, can you tell me what happened?" I want to sit down and talk to you about it, not lose my temper and destroy communication." Stable (integrated) couples are usually ready to share their inner world, and sharing anything openly can enhance intimacy and encourage continued growth and development of the relationship
[21]
.
If you want to maintain a stable (integration) period, you can start from the following aspects:
• Maintain trusting contact and learn about each other's lives. Couples can do regular activities together, such as eating together and sharing their favorite movies, which can lead to constant learning.
• Daily communication and heart-to-heart conversations allow us to understand each other's thoughts and feelings;
• Couples can make plans in their daily lives that are of mutual interest and increase their natural interaction;
• Talk about their interests, for example, one party is keen on fitness, the other likes reading, you need to ask each other's experience, if you can share with each other, there will be no distance;
• Adding some novelty to the routine can inject freshness and vitality into the relationship. Such as traveling to new places or trying new foods together;
• Learning something new together can take the relationship to a new level;
• "Romance" brings a special feeling to an intimate relationship. Having a joke or a code word that only couples understand can make each other feel special
[21]
.
Committed couples know each other very well, are willing to communicate their thoughts and feelings, and seriously invest in their lives together. It is because of this full understanding that the committed partner is ready to make a full commitment, promising each other freedom of choice. It's not about making a commitment to the other person, it's about making a strong commitment to yourself, to your life. In this process, both partners are willing to share a choice and act on it together. Commitment is for yourself, not for others. "My commitment affects what I give to the relationship, and when you make the same commitment, we can have expectations together in the relationship." When both partners commit together in the relationship, the people in the relationship and the relationship itself grow
[21]
.
By the time they reach the stability (integration) and commitment phases, couples have a growing understanding of themselves and each other, their strengths and weaknesses, their expectations and dreams. Because of trust in the commitment of both parties, you can invest in sincere cooperation, and whatever choice you make, it will be a process of their creation. Because partners are able to acknowledge, accept, and share aspects of their lives and fully see each other's "humanity," they can turn some of the "negative aspects" of the relationship into creative challenges. For example, stingy people can keep books, and controlling people can make plans and schedule trips. Some personality traits can contribute to the harmony of relationships and the completion of joint projects through such positive creation
[21]
.
Types of love
According to American psychologist Robert Sternberg, love is composed of three elements: Passion, Intimacy and Commitment. This led to the Triangular Theory of Love. Passion is an emotional obsession, with physical attraction and sexual attraction being the most important elements; Intimacy refers to a feeling of liking, mutual dependence, feeling of closeness, self-disclosure, and communication of inner feelings, both of which are emotionally mutual; Commitment refers to the expectation of love, short-term commitment is the decision to love someone, long-term commitment is the commitment to maintain that love, is the most rational part of the relationship. Sternberg combines these three elements into seven different types of love:
• Liking/Friendship: mainly intimacy, without passion and commitment, such as friendship or acquaintance relationship;
• Infatuated Love: mostly passionate, without intimacy and commitment, such as first love;
Empty Love: mostly commitment, but no intimacy or passion;
• Romantic Love: passion, intimacy, no commitment;
• Companionate Love: there is intimacy, commitment but no passion;
• Fatuous Love: there is passion, commitment, but no intimacy;
Consummate Love is the combination of passion, commitment, and intimacy
[22]
.
Robert Sternberg: The Triad of Love [23]
Practice of love
German-american psychologist Erich Fromm described love as an active ability to unite people and achieve interpersonal harmony while maintaining their dignity and individuality. This kind of love is a mature love that involves giving, caring, responsibility, respect and understanding. Fromm points out that four conditions must be met to establish and maintain love and intimacy: overcoming narcissism, faith, positivity, and fairness
[22]
[24]
.
(a) Overcoming narcissism means that people can not only see the problem from their own perspective, but also look at their loved ones with objective and kind eyes;
Faith means faith in yourself, in your loved ones, and in the future. Confidence in your own ability and reliability to love, confidence in the reliability and immutability of the other person's love, a firm belief in the future of love and a belief that love will grow over time;
(3) Positivity is the ability of people to love actively, a feeling that I am in love, I can love;
(4) Fairness refers to equality in intimate relationships. The activity of love is not an economic activity, fairness is not an exchange of equal value, not to get what you give, but to be emotionally honest and not to cheat others
[22]
[24]
.
A survey of love
In 2010, Professor Pan Suiming and Professor Huang Yingying, two famous Chinese sociologists, conducted a study on love between boys and girls aged 14 to 17. The results showed that 50.4% of boys and 34.9% of girls fell in love with more than one person of the opposite sex; 33 percent of boys and 29.1 percent of girls have experienced unrequited love. Twenty-nine percent of young men and 23.7 percent of young women said they had lost love, while 1.3 percent of young men and 1 percent of young women said they had a partner of the same sex
[25]
. In the same year, two professors conducted a survey on the sexual diversity of young men and girls between the ages of 14 and 17, and found that 10.8 percent of young men and girls had homosexual tendencies
[26]
.
It is important to note that heterosexuality and homosexuality are not distinct and distinct beings. Sexual orientation is actually a spectrum of distribution, between the two only a "gradual, cumulative, continuous degree", therefore, in the face of adolescent sex education issues, emphasis and respect for multiple gender and sexual orientation, with a positive attitude to look at adolescent sex, is really conducive to the healthy growth and development of adolescent sex education
[26]
.
Friendship is an indispensable part of people's happiness and support in life, a spontaneous interpersonal relationship in which friends appreciate and help each other while longing for each other's company. According to Close Relationships, more than 36 percent of young people consider friendship to be their "closest, deepest, most involved, and most intimate" relationship. People tend to have more fun with friends than they do alone or with family members. Typical friendships are characterized by "acceptance, support, joy, love, understanding, trust, equality, and respect.
[12]
.
Although friendship and love have many emotional similarities, love is relatively more exclusive
[12]
.
China's traditional Confucian concept holds that sex is a serious form of reproduction, and excludes sexual skills and pleasure
[27]
. In the 21st century, "sexual hedonism" has been accepted by more and more people in our country, and the enrichment of sexual skills has a positive impact on sexual relations and sexual life. Based on the data of four national population sample surveys from 2000 to 2015, Pan Suiming, a famous scholar, divided people's sexual skills into five levels: kissing, hand movements, body movements and postures, and oral and anal sex. 84.5% of the Chinese people have kissed experience, 77.1% of the people in sex have hand caress, including touching each other's nipples or vulva; For level 3 full-body movements and postures, two-thirds of people have no contraindications for female upper and backward positions; Both oral and anal sex are less acceptable to Chinese, with an average of 37 percent accepting oral sex and only one in eight accepting anal sex
[27]
.
For adolescents aged 14 to 17, 12.6 to 15.4 percent of boys and 8.3 to 11.9 percent of girls reported having had sex, and 26.3 percent of boys and 17.1 percent of girls reported having had sex. More than half of teens agree that premarital sex is not a moral issue and that "sex is precious." Compared with boys, girls are more likely to have sex on the basis of an intimate relationship with another person, or to develop affection for another person after an intimate relationship
[25]
.
In terms of gender equality, a 2018 UNESCO study of Chinese middle school students showed that about 20 percent of boys and 10 percent of girls agreed that "a woman cannot refuse to have sex with her husband," and less than half of the students explicitly disagreed with this view. At the same time, in terms of attitudes towards gay sex, 42.69% of students believe that "it is wrong to have sex with people of the same gender", among which boys are more likely to have negative attitudes towards gay sex
[28]
. It also demonstrates respect for pluralism in our country
Sexual orientation
The urgency and importance of comprehensive sexuality education to help adolescents raise their awareness of gender equality and women's rights
[28]
. Adults should face and understand teenagers' sexuality with a positive attitude, and make suggestions in dialogue and communication, rather than simply worrying or condemning, forcing lectures, and talking about sexual change
[25]
.
Heterosexuality is often seen as the "natural" basis of society, the only normal sexual orientation
[19]
. However, Adrienne Rich, an American lesbian feminist, believes that heterosexuality is not only a sexual orientation, but also a mandatory system serving male domination, forcing women to expect and enter into heterosexual relationships, and women who do not enter into heterosexual relationships will be regarded as social problems and threats, and punished
[29]
.
Heterosexuality provides a kind of "script" that regulates how we should position our relationships and "play" our roles
[19]
[29]
. The American philosopher Judith Butler further developed the concept of the Heterosexual Matrix
[30]
. The heterosexual matrix consists of three levels, at the physiological level, physical sexuality (usually the explicit reproductive organs) determines a person's gender as male/female; At the social level, distinguish the binary masculinity/femininity, male is masculine, female is feminine; At the level of desire, distinguish between heterosexual/homosexual. The distinction between these three sets of binary opposites shapes society's gender norms, teaching expected behavior for different genders and excluding any non-heterosexual sexual orientation
[31]
. "Masculine boys like feminine girls" has become the social standard, and anyone who does not meet these standards will not be recognized by society
[32] 31 -
.
Heterosexuality as a social norm has led to social
homophobia
, exclusion and denial of same-sex intimacy. There are still 70 countries in the world that criminalize same-sex relationships
[33]
. in
Heterosexual orthodoxy
In the face of long-term intimate relationships, many gay people will imagine heterosexual marriage as the ideal state, believe that same-sex relationships will fail, and highly doubt the establishment of long-term stable emotional relationships
[34]
.
Intimate Partner Violence (also known as "Domestic Abuse" or "Domestic Violence") is a pattern of behavior used in any relationship to gain or maintain strong repression and control over an intimate partner. Intimate partner violence (domestic violence) includes physical, emotional, sexual, emotional, psychological, and economic abuse, affecting others through any behavior that intimidates, coerces, intimidates, manipulates, causes pain, humiliates, scolds, harms, or injures them
[35]
.
Intimate partner violence (domestic violence) can happen to anyone, regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender;
• Intimate partner violence (domestic violence) can occur in a marriage, between a cohabiting partner, or between a dating partner;
Intimate partner violence (domestic violence) affects everyone regardless of socioeconomic background or education level
[35]
.
Although the meanings of "intimate partner violence" and "domestic violence" overlap, the more common use of the term "domestic violence" in the Chinese context may lead to some misunderstandings and therefore requires special attention. For example:
• The belief that intimate partner violence only occurs between legally married spouses;
• The belief that abusive or violent behavior will end with the termination of the legal marriage relationship;
• The belief that violence only occurs in the home environment;
• Consider domestic violence to be a family matter or trivia, but do not take it seriously;
The view that the family refers only to heterosexual families and ignores violence between same-sex couples also makes it difficult for "gay" victims to access legal and social assistance;
• Turning violence into a "de-gendered" issue, arguing that violence is a problem of inadequate communication and that both sides are to blame, ignoring structural inequalities between the sexes
[36]
.
According to the World Health Organization's (WHO) 2013 Global and Regional Overview of Violence against Women: According to the report on the Status and Health Implications of Partner and Non-partner Sexual Violence, about 30 percent of women worldwide have experienced violence at some point in their lives from a partner, boyfriend or someone they live with. Women in the age range of 15 to 65 years are the targets of violence
[37]
. 42% of women are injured as a result of intimate partner violence, and 38% of female murders are committed by intimate partners. Women who experience intimate partner violence are more than twice as likely to develop depression and alcohol problems than women who do not experience intimate partner violence, a violation of women's human rights that significantly impacts women's health and survival around the world
[38]
.
The forms of same-sex intimate partner violence are similar to those in heterosexual relationships, including physical, emotional and sexual violence
[39]
. But because of the heterosexual orthodoxy of society as a whole
comrade
The marginalization of the group also makes violence between same-sex intimate partners invisible, making it difficult for victims to access social and legal assistance
[40]
. According to the Survey Report on Domestic Violence among Chinese Lesbians (bisexuals) released in 2009 by Tongyi, a non-governmental public welfare organization, about 48 percent of the respondents have experienced violence from their native family members, and about 42 percent have experienced violence from intimate partners
[40]
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Intimate relationships are an important part of civic life. The relevant laws and regulations of our country involve the content of intimate relationship. The Civil Code of the People's Republic of China (2020) stipulates the rights of Chinese citizens in marriage and family; The Anti-Domestic Violence Law of the People's Republic of China (2016) protects the human rights of Chinese citizens in the family from violence; The Law of the People's Republic of China on the Protection of Minors (revised in 2020) stipulates that schools and kindergartens shall provide age-appropriate sex education to minors. The details are as follows:
Article 1,041
Marriage and family are protected by the state. Implement the marriage system of freedom of marriage, monogamy and equality between men and women. Protect the lawful rights and interests of women, minors, the elderly and the disabled.
Article 1,042
Arranged, bought and sold marriages and other acts that interfere with the freedom of marriage are prohibited. It is forbidden to take property by marriage. Bigamy is prohibited. Cohabitation with other persons is prohibited. Domestic violence is prohibited. Abuse and abandonment among family members are prohibited.
Article 1,043
Families should establish good family style, promote family virtues and pay attention to the construction of family civilization. Husband and wife shall be faithful to each other, respect each other and care for each other; Family members shall respect the old and cherish the young, help each other, and maintain equal, harmonious and civilized marriage and family relations.
Article 1,046
Marriage shall be of the complete willingness of both men and women, and neither party is allowed to force the other, and no organization or individual is allowed to interfere.
Article 1,047
The age of marriage shall not be earlier than 22 years for men and 20 years for women.
Article 1055
Husband and wife have equal status in marriage and family
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Article 2
The term "domestic violence" as used in this Law refers to physical, mental and other violations committed between family members by means of beating, binding, mutilation, restriction of personal freedom, frequent abuse, intimidation, etc.
Article 3
Family members should help each other, care for each other, live in harmony, and fulfill family obligations
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Article 40
Schools and kindergartens shall provide age-appropriate sex education to minors so as to enhance their awareness of and ability to protect themselves against sexual assault and sexual harassment. Schools and kindergartens shall promptly take relevant measures to protect minors who are victims of sexual assault or sexual harassment
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The relevant educational provisions of China's education department for the intimate relationship at the stage of primary and secondary schools mainly appear in public safety education and health education. Guidelines for Public Safety Education in Primary and Secondary Schools (2007), Guidelines for Health Education in Primary and Secondary Schools (2008), Curriculum Standards for Physical Education and Health in senior high Schools (2017), Guidelines for Health Education in Colleges and Universities (2017), and Guidelines for National Family Education (2019 revision) focus on prevention of public health accidents and mental health Health, sexual and reproductive health, etc. The details are as follows:
Grades 4 to 6
Module 2: Preventing and responding to public health incidents
• Initially understand the basic knowledge of adolescent development, and form a clear sense of gender awareness and self-protection
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Senior high school grade
Module 2: Preventing and responding to public health incidents
• Learn healthy ways of heterosexual communication, learn to use appropriate methods to protect themselves and prevent sexual assault. When you are sexually harassed, use the law to protect yourself
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Level 3 (Primary 5 ~ 6)
Growth, development and adolescent health
• the growth and development characteristics of adolescence;
• The difference between male and female adolescents in the pubertal development period (specific manifestations of male and female secondary sexual characteristics);
• Female menarche and its significance (menstrual formation and cycle calculation);
• The first spermatogenesis of male students and its significance;
• Knowledge of personal hygiene during adolescence
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Level 4 (Junior High)
Growth, development and adolescent health
• The characteristics and changes of adolescent psychological development, and the correct treatment of adolescent psychological changes
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Level 5 (Senior high school)
Mental health
• Principles and methods in interpersonal communication, to be active, sincere, fair, modest and generous with others
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Mental health
• Understanding the psychological characteristics of sexual maturity;
• Recognize your own psychosexual changes
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Sexual and reproductive health
• Basic knowledge of sexual and reproductive health;
• Friendship, love, marriage, family and ethics;
• eugenics and appropriate and effective contraceptive methods;
• Unwanted pregnancy and coping measures;
• Common reproductive health problems and self-care methods;
• The impact of unprotected sex on reproductive health;
• Common sexually transmitted diseases and prevention;
• The spread, prevalence and control of AIDS, high-risk behaviors and prevention measures that are susceptible to HIV infection, AIDS counseling, testing and services, and non-discrimination against HIV-infected people and patients;
• Methods and skills to prevent sexual assault
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Family education for children aged 12 to 15
Attach importance to children's adolescent personality development
• Guide parents to understand the developmental characteristics of adolescent children and constantly adjust the parenting style;
• Help children feel good about themselves;
• Respect children's autonomous will and encourage children to think independently and express themselves rationally;
• Develop children's ability to cope with setbacks and adapt to the environment and perseverance;
• Guide children to vent their emotions in a reasonable way, actively regulate their psychology, self-help, prevent and overcome various possible adolescent psychological obstacles;
• Correct treatment of "rebellious" behavior in children
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Sex education for children
• Carry out scientific sexual psychological counseling, and guide children to communicate with the opposite sex
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Build a good parent-child relationship
• Guide parents to get along with children as equals, understand children's desire for autonomy, and protect children's privacy;
• Learn to listen to children's opinions and feelings, and learn to respect, appreciate, identify and share children's ideas;
• Learn to use democratic and tolerant language and attitudes towards children to promote healthy parent-child communication
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Family education for children aged 15 to 18
Improve children's communication and cooperation ability
• Guide parents to guide children to actively carry out social activities and normal heterosexual communication according to the personality characteristics of children in this age group; (c) Sex education focusing on sexual ethics, sexual responsibility, sexual health, prevention and rejection of unsafe sex;
• Give correct guidance to children who are in love;
• Encourage children to exercise themselves in collective life, learn to get along with others, and experience the happiness of cooperation with others;
• Help children learn to be tolerant of others and treat friendships correctly;
• Understand the nature and characteristics of bullying and the basic ways to deal with home-school cooperation
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Cultivate children's sense of responsibility
• Guide parents to discuss family affairs with children in an equal and open manner, share family responsibilities and obligations, and cultivate children's sense of family responsibility through holding family meetings and other forms;
• Guide children to establish a sense of social responsibility, correctly handle the relationship between individuals and themselves, with others, and with society, and have the courage to assume responsibility
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From the perspective of human rights, some international documents call on all countries in the world to attach importance to and safeguard people's equal rights in intimate relationships, promote gender equality, and protect human rights. Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW)
The Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women
) (1979), Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women (
The Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women
) (1994), the Beijing Declaration (
Beijing Declaration
(1995) and The Programme of Action for The Fourth World Conference on Women Women (1995) both ensure that women can have equal rights with men in intimate relationships from the perspective of gender equality. The details are as follows:
Article 16
1. States Parties shall take all appropriate measures to eliminate discrimination against women in all matters relating to marriage and family relations and shall, in particular, ensure to them, on a basis of equality of men and women:
(a) have the same right to marry;
(b) The same right to choose one's spouse freely and not to enter into marriage without free expression of one's full consent;
(c) have the same rights and obligations during the duration of the marriage and upon its dissolution;
(d) Having the same rights and duties as parents in matters relating to their children, irrespective of their marital status. But in all cases the interests of the child shall be Paramount;
(e) Couples have the same personal rights, including the right to choose their surname, profession and occupation;
(g) Both spouses have the same rights in the possession, acquisition, operation, management, enjoyment and disposal of property, whether without compensation or in return for value.
(2) Childhood engagement and child marriage shall have no legal effect and all necessary actions, including legislation, shall be taken to establish a minimum age for marriage and to make it mandatory for marriages to be registered with a formal registration authority
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Article one
The term "violence against women" means any act of gender-based violence that causes or is likely to cause physical, mental or sexual harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether in public or private life.
Article 2
Violence against women should be understood to include, but not be limited to, the following:
(a) Physical, psychological and sexual violence within the family, including beatings, sexual abuse of the girl child in the family, dowry violence, spousal rape, clitoricectomy and other traditional practices harmful to women, non-spousal violence and violence related to exploitation;
Article 4
States should condemn violence against women and should not invoke any custom, tradition or religious consideration to avoid their obligation to eliminate such violence
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Article 15
Equal rights, opportunities and access to resources, the equal sharing of family responsibilities between men and women and their harmonious partnership are essential to their well-being and that of their families, as well as to the consolidation of democracy
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Article 96
Women's human rights include their right to freely and responsibly control and make decisions on matters relating to their sexuality, including sexual and reproductive health, free from coercion, discrimination and violence.
Article 117
Violence against women is one of the important social mechanisms that force women into a subordinate position to men. Most violence against women and girls occurs in the family or home, where violence is often tolerated.
Article 119
A holistic and multidisciplinary response must be developed to contribute to the absence of violence against women in the family, the community and the State, and the difficult task is achievable. Equality and partnership between men and women and a sense of respect for human dignity must be maintained at all stages of the socialization process. Education systems must promote self-esteem, mutual respect and cooperation between men and women
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Intimate relationships are an important part of comprehensive sex education. A good understanding of intimate relationships in children and adolescents helps to develop the values of equal respect, resulting in respectful and healthy relationships between family members, peers, friends, lovers or sexual partners. In the United Nations Technical Guidelines for International Education (revised edition), the relevant learning objectives are mainly found in the first theme "family" under core concept 1 "Relationships", the second theme "friendship, love and relationships", the fourth theme "long-term commitment and parenting", and the first theme "violence" under core concept 4 "Violence and security". The content runs through the four age groups of 5-8 years old, 9-12 years old, 12-15 years old and 15-18 years old and above. The specific content is as follows
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Core Concept 1: Relationships
Theme 2: Friendship, Love and relationships
Learning Objectives (Ages 5-8)
Important: There are many different types of love in relationships (e.g. between friends, parents, lovers), and there are many ways to express love
Learners will be able to:
► Identify the different types of love and how to express it (knowledge);
► Recognize that love can be expressed in many ways (attitudes);
► Showing affection in Friendships (Skills)
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Learning Objectives (ages 9-12)
Important point: Adolescents and children express friendship and love in different ways
Learners will be able to:
Describe changes in the way you express friendship and love to others as you grow up (knowledge);
► Recognize that there are many ways to express friendship and love to others (attitudes);
► Reflect on how the way you express friendship and love to others changes as you age (skills)
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Learning Objectives (12-15 years old)
Point: There are different types of relationships between people
Learners will be able to:
► Identifying different types of relationships (knowledge);
► Distinguish between the different emotions (knowledge) generated by love, friendship, infatuation and sexual attraction;
Discuss how close relationships sometimes turn into sexual relationships (skills);
► Demonstrate emotional management in different types of relationships (skills)
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Learning Objectives (ages 15-18 and above)
Point: There are healthy and unhealthy sexual relationships between people
Learners will be able to:
► Compare the characteristics of healthy and unhealthy sexual relationships (knowledge);
Recognizing that there are healthy and unhealthy sexual relationships (attitudes) between people;
► Demonstrate methods (skills) that can be used to avoid unhealthy sexual relationships;
Identify trusted adults and show how to turn to them for help in an unhealthy sexual relationship (skills).
The takeaway: A person shows affection and love in different ways as they grow up
Learners will be able to:
► Describe a set of methods (knowledge) for expressing affection in a healthy sexual relationship;
Recognizing that sex is not a necessary way (attitude) to express love;
► Expressing liking and love in appropriate ways (Skills)
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Theme 4: Long-term commitment and parenting
Learning Objectives (Ages 5-8)
Main point: There are many kinds of family structure and marriage concept
Learners will be able to:
► Describe the concepts of "family" and "marriage" (knowledge);
► Enumerate the different types of marriage (e.g., free marriage or arranged marriage) (knowledge);
► Recall that some marriages end due to separation, divorce, or death (knowledge);
Recognition that although people may have differences in family structure and marriage style, these are valuable (attitudes)
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Learning Objectives (12-15 years old)
Bottom line: Marriage and long-term commitment come with many responsibilities
Learners will be able to:
► Summarize the key responsibilities (knowledge) of marriage and long-term commitment;
► Recall key characteristics of successful marriages and long-term commitment (knowledge);
► Recognition of the importance of love, tolerance, equality and respect in achieving marriage and long-term commitment (Attitudes)
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Core Concept 4: Violence and security
Theme 1: Violence
Learning Objectives (ages 9-12)
The takeaway: Violence between intimate partners is wrong, and it's important to seek help when witnessing such violence
Learners will be able to:
► Defining intimate partner violence (knowledge);
► Examples of intimate partner violence (knowledge);
► Recognize that intimate partner violence is wrong and that it will benefit children to proactively seek help when they witness such violence (attitude);
► Demonstrate how to seek support from a trusted adult if experiencing such violence at home (Skills)
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Learning Objectives (12-15 years old)
Key point: Sexual abuse, sexual assault, intimate partner violence and bullying are violations of human rights
Learners will be able to:
► Compare and contrast bullying, emotional violence, physical violence, sexual abuse, sexual assault and intimate partner violence (knowledge);
• Agree that sexual abuse, abuse, intimate partner violence and bullying by adults, young people or those in authority are not the victim's fault and that these actions are a violation of human rights (attitudes);
Demonstrate how to report sexual abuse, assault, intimate partner violence and bullying (skills);
► Demonstrate how to seek help from trusted adults and institutions to prevent sexual abuse, assault, intimate partner violence and bullying from occurring and provide support for survivors (skills)
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FAQ # 1: Why do victims of intimate partner violence not leave their abusers?
a
:
1. Influence of gender norms. Women grow up under the influence of traditional gender norms, for example, women are to be gentle, considerate, submissive, not proactive and aggressive, and in the face of intimate partner violence women are expected to take the big picture, to give each other face, and preferably forgive each other. This leaves women in marriage and in the family subject to the roles of "good wife", "good daughter-in-law" and "good mother", under the misconception that violence will end for the sake of family responsibilities or under the assurance of the abuser after violence. In romantic relationships, women often reflect on whether they did something wrong that led to the violence, thinking that tolerance can make things change, but it only makes the violence worse
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2. You're afraid of the consequences if you leave. The abuser will threaten and intimidate the victim in various ways that if they leave, they will suffer greater retaliation. Such as taking advantage of children, exposing intimate photos or harming pets. Some victims also worry about finances, accommodation and employment after leaving
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3. Feeling helpless. Victims of chronic violence are unable to believe in their ability to accomplish something and have very low self-esteem. In the situation of being dominated and controlled, the victim will gradually learn the feeling of helplessness, losing their own control and decision-making power in life, and therefore unable to decide to leave. In order to survive, the victim will develop a set of survival rules with the abuser, resulting in a pathological attachment relationship. That is to say, even if the victim knows that he is in a state of violence, at least this state is familiar to him, and he does not have the courage to go out
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In any case, the decision to leave was not easy and required great courage. Therefore, if someone around you has experienced domestic violence, please do not casually evaluate and blame the victim, "divorce is not OK?" "Why haven't you left him yet?" "You still want a divorce after all this?" It's about listening and providing a channel for advice and help
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FAQ # 2: How to resolve friction or conflict in a relationship?
A:
In intimate relationships, people are more likely to use criticism, blame, comparison, and abuse to express their unmet needs. Such violent language ignores people's feelings and needs, leading to mutual hurt and alienation. At this point, choosing nonviolent communication will transform the way we talk and listen, enabling us to express ourselves honestly and clearly, while respecting and listening to others and connecting with them
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Nonviolent communication consists of four elements: observation, feeling, need, and request. Look at the other person first rather than judge them, in fact judging others reflects our values, and we can't force others to live according to our expectations, such as "you always/never..." "You should..." And other words with value judgment. Often, what we call "I feel" is not necessarily a feeling, but a thought, which most likely involves judgment, such as "I feel like you don't love me/don't care about me." Third, identify your own needs. Need refers to the resources that sustain life and nourish happiness, and emotion is the window through which we know whether our needs are being met. Finally, ask for help and give feedback
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Related teaching contents of kindergarten sex education
According to the learning objectives set out in the United Nations Technical Guidelines for International Education (revised), sex education in early childhood about intimate relationships focuses on having a good understanding of love. Professor Liu Wenli of Beijing Normal University edited "Cherish Life - Young Children's sexual health education picture book" (all 9 volumes), "Rainbow mood", "I love my family" and "Happy 61" three volumes are involved in love-related education content
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The book "Rainbow Mood" mainly helps children to initially understand emotions and emotions, so that they can perceive and cope with tension, disappointment, jealousy in intimate relationships. At the same time, young children will learn to understand and accept expressions of love from others, and express gratitude for the care that others convey to them
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The book "I Love My Family" helps young children understand how families care for each other and work together. At the same time, young children will learn to express love in close relationships and show appreciation for the love that family members convey to them
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"Cherish Your Life - Young Child Sexual Health Education picture book" illustration [54]
The teaching content of sex education in primary school
Sex education in primary school is not simply limited to sensing one's own feelings and emotions and maintaining harmonious interpersonal relationships. In addition to the changes in the original emotional relationships of family, friendship and teacher-student relationship, one of the particularities of adolescence is that sexual stirrments bring new relationship topics to many children, that is, adolescent love and the cognition of future intimate relationships. Taking the reading book edited by Liu Wenli as an example, almost every grade has relevant content in the unit of "Sex and health behavior" and the unit of "Family and friends".
In the theme of "Confusion of Adolescence" in the unit of "Sex and Health Behavior" in Grade 3, through the study of three knowledge points, "Confusion of physical changes", "confusion of psychological and interpersonal changes" and "Seeking help to solve the confusion", students can understand the changes of the adolescent body in advance and welcome the arrival of adolescence with a happy mood. Be able to understand and deal with confusion related to friendships, peer attraction, and parental relationships with ease; The ability to ask for help from parents and teachers, communicate with peers and friends, and obtain information through the media.
In the theme of "adolescent sprouting" in the fourth grade, through the study of three knowledge points, "What is adolescent sprouting", "the performance of adolescent sprouting" and "treating adolescent sprouting correctly", students can understand that the physiological changes of adolescence are the basis of adolescent sprouting; To understand that adolescent sexual stirrings are a normal and beautiful emotional experience for teenagers to grow up; Can master the ability to regulate complex emotions during adolescent sexual agitation.
In the theme of "Adolescent love" in Grade five, through the study of three knowledge points: "adolescent emotion", "Love is a beautiful emotion" and "Love needs to be learned", students can understand that adolescent emotion is pure, beautiful, sweet and changeable; Understand why love is a beautiful emotion; Understanding love is also a need to learn, learn to express love, respect love, protect love.
In the theme of "Healthy Sexual Behavior" in Grade six, through the study of three knowledge points, "What is sexual behavior", "Responsible sexual behavior" and "Sexual behavior needs growth preparation", students can understand what is self-sexual behavior and what is sexual behavior with others; Know what is responsible sexual behavior, such as responsible for health, life, family; Understanding the act of sexual intercourse requires preparation for growth, including physical and mental growth and improved decision-making skills.
In the theme of "Marriage and Divorce" in the unit of "Family and Friends" in Grade three, through the learning of "marriage is the establishment of intimate relationship between two people", "divorce is the dissolution of intimate relationship between two people" and "how to deal with children after parents divorce", students can understand that whether they choose to get married or not is an individual's right and should be respected. Being able to understand that a parent's divorce can be sad, but perhaps the beginning of a new life; I can believe that my parents still love me, and I still love my parents.
In the theme of "Understanding marriage" in the sixth grade, through the study of four knowledge points of "understanding marriage", "advocating freedom of marriage", "insisting on equality between men and women" and "prohibiting illegal marriage", students can understand that marriage is a husband-wife relationship determined through legal procedures. Long-term commitment in marriage can maintain a stable and harmonious relationship. Understand the right of all persons to enjoy full freedom in relation to marriage as provided for by law; Understand that with the progress of social civilization, men and women have the same obligations and enjoy the same rights in marriage; Can learn to resolutely resist all kinds of illegal marriages (arranged marriage, marriage for sale, marriage between close relatives, early marriage), safeguard the dignity of the law and the rights of individuals. In this part, the Marriage Law of the People's Republic of China and the Law on the Protection of Minors of the People's Republic of China are mentioned five times in order to strengthen students' legal awareness and learn to protect their rights and interests with law.
The relevant teaching contents in primary sex education
Sex education in junior high school will combine the physical and mental development characteristics of children, on the one hand, further explain the topic of "love", and thus extend to the discussion of various situations that may occur in love. On the other hand, adolescent love, as an important topic, is discussed in the topics of "romantic relationships", "sexual decision-making" and "sexual life cycle". On this basis, middle school students will have a deeper understanding and thinking about the different types of relationships between people, the influence of peers on sexual decisions and behaviors, marriage and long-term commitment with many responsibilities, intimate partner violence is a violation of human rights, and have more ability to love, care and respect
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In 1965, a Tibetan boy named Ji Wang Junmei and a Beijing girl named Zhang Tingfang were admitted to Beijing Normal University. Two years later, they met. In 1971, Tse-Wang expressed his love to Zhang Tingfang. Second Wang Junmei's kindness and talent, let Zhang Tingfang decided to join hands with him for a lifetime.
After marriage, they took the initiative to write an application, asking to work in Tibet. The two also shared a common goal: to dedicate themselves to the cause of Tibetan education. After arriving in Tibet, she and her husband were assigned to work as teachers in the Tibet Autonomous Region Normal School. They also compiled a set of Chinese pinyin, Chinese, Tibetan three-control "Chinese Language" textbook, to help Tibetan students greatly improve their Chinese level.
In 1983, they participated in the establishment of Tibet University, the first university on the Tibetan Plateau. At that time, the 40-year-old Junmei Tse-Wang served as the first president, and Zhang Tingfang served as the deputy head of the department of Chinese and Literature. The two worked all day without eating or sleeping.
In 1992, he was transferred to the Tibet Institute for Nationalities in Xianyang, Shaanxi Province. The two separated, is six years. After the opening of the Qinghai-Tibet Railway, they had agreed that when they retired, they would take the train to re-take the route into Tibet. They also have many wishes: to see all over Beijing together, to go to Hainan together... Only, these wishes eventually turned into regrets.
In October 2013, Cwang Junmei and Zhang Tingfang finally had some time for themselves. Unexpectedly, in early 2014, Ji Wang Junmei was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He died on December 5 of that year.
After the death of the second Wang Junmei, Zhang Tingfang has been unable to decide to take the train into the Tibetan road. In September 2020, together with the film crew, she set off from Xining, Qinghai Province, took a train to Lhasa, Tibet, and fulfilled her long-cherished wish.
The train is flying on the plateau, but the partner of the year has long been asleep on the earth. Zhang Tingfang's tears once again broke through the fortifications. Today, Zhang Tingfang's wechat profile picture is a handful of forget-me-not and white roses. This is the bouquet she laid for Wang Junmei on the 100th day of his death. Flowers speak not a word, but do all the deep feeling
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From the love story of Junmei and Zhang Tingfang, we can see that the intimate relationship is phased, transformable, needs management, multi-faceted, diversified and rich. We can know ourselves better and perfect ourselves in the deep intimate relationship. Become more dynamic and creative. It is important in a relationship that two people respect each other, have equal rights, and share the same values and goals
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